I’ve not hit anyone with a stick before in my life. I am trained to seriously hurt someone with a stick – but, who would have thought a simple run up a hill would turn into one of the top 5 annoying situations in my entire life and that I’d hit someone in the kidney with a heavy stick?

Not I.

I’m sweating like i’m on fire. My mind is. I just returned from running up a long hill at a park in Thailand – one that you would think fairly safe except for the eight or nine dogs that call it home. I always carry a stick I find early in the run to swing at the dogs who always go running off after that or some thrown rocks.

Today was amazing. It was 4:10 pm. when I started out. I had a great walk and run to the top of the hill. I even forgot to drink the water I had, it was just so nice. On the way down I saw a couple on a motorbike go up… then a guy on another motorbike who stared at me as I found a new stick of better wood than the first one. Glad I did. I swung at weeds sometimes and other times practiced my Kali stick patterns. I learned Kali stick-fighting and a blend of some other martial arts in a program called, “Realistic Fighting Systems” for a couple years in Tampa. It’s great exercise and keeps one limber and strong in the shoulders, forearms and wrists mostly.

The guy who taught it was a killer. He was lightening fast and really had exceptional skills. I had a good time practicing it and we swung plastic sticks at each other for practice (wiffle-ball bats) and they hurt like hell, but never hit anyone with a real Kali stick. I bought two pieces of 28″ rattan from a furniture place here and I practice the patterns at home. Guess it will always be with me. It’s fun just to swing them in the patterns really – so I found a stick on the run that was about 28″ long and swung it on the way down the hill as I walked and jogged occasionally. This stick was very strong and heavy for how thin it was. It has a knot on the end that added just the right amount of weight to it. I’ll get a picture of it here if I get ambitious as I brought it home, half anticipating needing to use it again.

The guy I saw go up the hill on motorbike came up behind me, then beside me. He said, in Thai – ‘get on’ – to ride down the hill. I said, “Mai ow – Awk gam lang gai,” I’m doing exercise outside – I want to walk down the hill. He said something I didn’t understand and reached his left hand for my dick (and partially got it). I was surprised as hell, but still had the presence of mind to pull back and then immediately stepped forward and let loose a blow with the stick to his back just under the right kidney. He arched up like he was going to lose control of the motorbike and go cartwheeling down the hill.

I half wish he would of.

The full impact didn’t get him because after he grabbed he hit the gas and started to speed away. I heard and felt the impact reverberate through my arm but I wasn’t sure how good the strike was since I’d never hit anything with any force with that stick except some weeds and small trees, and then him.

He stayed far away for a minute then returned, coasting the motorbike next to me while he pestered me with questions. He kept asking me if I wanted him to blow me. Repeatedly – about 150 times – no less. Talk about a pain in the ass! He spent the next 20 minutes making blowjob faces with his tongue in his cheek as I ran down the hill cussing this fucker and telling him how lucky he was that some people saw me jogging beside his motorbike because now I couldn’t cave his head in with my stick and throw him over the side of the mountain along with his motorbike, license # (removed after 3rd edit) – there are three Thai letters with it that to westerners would correspond to: (removed after 4th edit), just in case you run into this fucking menace.

So, I’m running fast at this point thinking he could call friends who could all blow me as they held me down – and much worse. I was a bit tired from the run and swinging the sticks and I wasn’t fully ready for 1 on 3 or 1 on 5.

I’d have given all I got, don’t get me wrong!

I was talking to myself loudly… telling myself the reality of the situation was that I couldn’t whack him in the head and send him skating down the hill on his face with his motorbike following him because too many people had seen him beside me. (Another truck went up the hill just while I was thinking this).

While the place is usually deserted, the weekends do bring a few more people. It was good he stayed with me and harassed me as long as he did so he didn’t get smart and call friends who could have met us on the hill before I ran down to my motorbike. I ran fast from 3.5 km up the hill to .5 km down the hill where my motorbike was parked.

He had parked next to it, I saw as I came close. Did he know it was mine or did he think someone was in the woods and he went to look for him to see if he could blow him instead? Or maybe he was running a batch of something in the woods to put in my helmet… who knows.

He didn’t come out of the woods though, I recommitted his license plate to memory and took off down the hill waiting for him to follow. He didn’t. There was another man walking down the hill at that same time and maybe he wanted to keep his anonymity. If you see someone on a red Honda Wave motorbike in Southern Thailand and the kid has a fat face, huge nose for a Thai and is a thick kid – really thick for a Thai kid, he looked like a soccer player, built strong as hell, that might be him. Stay the hell away from him and don’t look at him for any reason – he might be deranged a bit… or, like my girlfriend suggested – a yaba (crystal methamphetamine) freak.

I can’t think of any reason, after I cracked his back that he stayed around like he did except maybe revenge. I thought he was going to go for the stick – so I kept switching hands depending which side he was on. I pushed him out of my way 3 different times as I ran down the hill and he got too close to me on the motorbike. Honestly, if I didn’t talk to myself and talk myself through it I may have unleashed and knocked that silly fucker senseless.

I can’t imagine how someone, a Thai much less, could be this fuckheaded. I’ve not seen such an asshole EVER in Thailand. Can you tell I’m still angry about it? Anyway – that was that. Guess that ruins my deserted walk up the park road for exercise. Crazy Thai homo meth freak bastard!

Not sure what will happen when I see him next… I know what I want to happen – but there’s little chance of finding him on a deserted road when nobody has seen me… though I don’t pray to any god, it might be a good reason to start.

Otherwise, to see him in public wouldn’t be good as he and his friends could tag team me and beat the holy hell out of me in front of hundreds of onlookers – with nobody calling dum roout (police) in the typical “farang gets his ass beat senseless in Thailand by 4+ very weak Thai guys” scenario.

So – this is living in Thailand at it’s worst. I’d never suspect the area I live in as being a place for wacky fuckers such as this – but you know what? This is my second experience with menacing homos… the first at the Tesco store restroom with that 15 year old queer peeping my pisser. I took his photo when he came out of the stall and I accused him of it – and that was the end of that.

Oh well – maybe time to really get out of Thailand now?

Update 12/29/16: Couple months ago on another mountain trail, a Thai guy grabbed my nuts and I knocked him to the ground four times and held back from beating him to death. Maybe will post that story when I have some time…